Friday, December 2, 2011

how to confront six months of built up emotion

didn't intend to not blog for six months. not that i didn't have anything to write about. it was more of, well, avoiding it.

my name is blair, and i'm an avoider.
an avoider of the grocery store, confrontations, my ex roommate, politics, and showing emotion. well here is me, confronting an emotion.

in may, i graduated college after 4 incredible years of learning, growing, and maturing. 4 years of becoming independent and developing the best friendships with truly amazing people. i wouldn't trade those years for anything, but in all honesty graduation was the worst day of my life. i've never cried so much in my life, hell i'm tearing up just writing this. i mean i knew my college years were coming to a close, but i was completely blindsided by the devastation i felt.
it has literally taken me more than 6 months to write about this and it's still terribly uncomfortable and makes my heart ache.

well, after graduation i started my new job right away, thank goodness. it gave me zero time to think about what had just happened. perfect for my avoiding personality! i was one of the lucky few who had secured a job in my field before graduation (i'm the assistant interior designer at LeSueur Interiors - check it out!). well i loooooovvveeeeddd everything about it. i still feel so thankful everyday that God led me to what i meant to do and afforded me the opportunities to get there.
so, i worked for three weeks, then went to vegas (happy graduation to me!), then back to work. mid july, work slowed, and that gave me a lot of time to just sit. i'm fairly certain i suffered a spout of post grad depression. i never told anyone, well until now. i felt awful about things off and on until about october, then after endless prayer, it thankfully, slowly evaporated. don't get me wrong, there are still days i'm still a little bummed about things, but who doesn't have those feelings every now and again?

so there, it's out. that's what i've been avoiding and why i haven't been writing. (and i'm sorry for any typos/not making complete since, bc i can't bring myself to read back through it.)
but now that it's out, i feel better. naked and vulnerable, but better.


ps this was probably not the best thing to write while on my period! way too emotional.

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